It Has Begun!

Christmas was fine, much like Thanksgiving the Family and the Utah Escapists gathered in my living room to consume food and drink while watching dumb cartoons and playing fun video games. Frank brought Jack who I have adopted as my brother because he's adorable, Laura showed up and my much beloved Valerie came over to consume Christmas waffles with me! (Val is currently doing her Masters program at Georgetown and I have not seen her in months!) So I was a happy camper.

We're not big on gift giving in our family so we gave each other some small things and that was that.
Frank did not don the metal gear this time around, he didn't get that crunk.

In other news, I finally get to start collecting LIving Dead Dolls! Back about ten years ago when I first saw them I wanted them so badly! But mom thought they were too grotesque, even with her love of morbid stories and crime scene photos. So I waited out of respect for her. Then I got older and didn't have the money for such things. NOW THOUGH! Now I have the money and the space and last night I ordered my first Living Dead Doll!

BILLY DOLL! From my favorite of all movie series SAW. He was on sale for only twenty dollars so I am happily awaiting his arrival.

Happy is the Goth Girl with the Dead Doll.

Saturday Morning

Saturdays are my one day of the week where I have the day to myself. I don't have to get up at five a.m. to go to work and Kris goes in around seven while I sleep in and enjoy kitten snuggles. This morning I got up around seven with Kris and went out to feed the animals, and the first thing I was greeted with was Hannibal doing happy binkies outside my door. Sure it was mainly because it was breakfast time and he knew it, but nothing makes me happier than seeing his furry butt racing around like a crack fiend.

On the other side of the barrier, Teddy V. waited patiently and sweetly for breakfast next to his bowl. His sweet little face looking up at me expectantly. He's a heart breaker with those big brown eyes and that gray butterfly on his nose.

I didn't start this blog for any real reason, I didn't intend it to be a rabbit blog. I just like journaling, regardless of whether anyone reads it or not, I enjoy doing it. But, a rabbit blog it is becoming since the majority of my time is spent with my bunnies or at the rescue with all 162 of those bunnies.

So I accept that I am a rabbit blogger, that I have no life outside of my pets. my daily routine is work at five a.m home by two p.m. clean up mess rabbits have made during the day, check cat, rabbit, and snake water bowls, clean all three bunny litter boxes and cat litter, check snake tank temp, watch Barneby Betta Fish dance and play with him with a mirror, cuddle kitten, lay on floor with Hannibal, drag both buns into bathtub for bonding work (not coming along well, but that's a different post) then make dinner with Kris and spend the rest of the night clicker training buns and watching dumb cartoons.

I am a pet addict I think.
Man I am the coolest twenty two year old I know! *sarcasm*
Whatever, I am awesome.

Actual Update

Poor little Teddy Vorheese. He's doing really well but he hates his Pen G injections. He doesn't fight me or bite or even struggle, but his little face just sobs "Please! No more!".

I don't blame him.
He has two more and then he goes back to the vet to check his progress. We find out then if he gets more shots or if we're done. His mouth looks great to me, no redness, swelling or pus. He eats just fine and plays and cuddles so here's hoping for the best!

He highly disapproves of this post.
BUT WE ALL APPROVE OF TOKI WARTOOTH AND BUNNIES!

What's happening today?

The living room is being rearranged. Why you ask?
Today both bunnies are going free range. No more pens.
Oooooh dear.

Hannibal Says

Shes a rotten kind of cute for a zombie prostitute


But I'll allow kisses anyway.


All those books? They're for us bunnies to eat.



Yes the dear Hannibal thinks my books are for feasting on. It's hard to keep him from it so I just keep old magazines and scratch notebooks on the bottom shelf so he can chew them. I think if he knew that he'd try harder to climb the shelves.
The skeletons on the shelf are name Voodoo Charlie and Roy the Toxic Boy. They live up high because Hannibal, as always, ripped Roys feet off and a few of his ribs. Poor Roy.

Sometimes... I'm just...

Creepy...
Which is to say. I'm just myself.


My first grade teacher used to make us say something after the pledge every day. While we were still standing up, hands over our hearts, in unison:
"I am special, I am me. There's no one else I'd rather be."



I am of the opinion that more people need this attitude. We all just need to be who we are and let others be who they are.


Even if we are Undead.


Now, I am off to embrace that part of me that enjoys reading Rotten DOT com and looking at pictures of dead things while drinking chocolate milk and dying my hair purple. I suggest you all go do what makes you yourself.


P.S!! DO NOT VISIT ROTTEN DOT COM IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS! I'm serious here, it's main purpose in being is to archive the most horrific, violent, disgusting, disturbing things out there. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!

The Story of Hannibal

My fluffy demon will be two on January ninth, as in next month! Which means I have had him for almost two years. Hannibal has lived in two houses and two apartments with me and traveled six hundred miles from Utah to Arizona. He's the boss of our home and the darling of it. My life would be just a little empty with out him in it.

It was around June of 2009 that Kris and I decided to say fuck you to the apartment we were currently living in and get a new furbaby. I had a beta fish but I needed something I could interact with just a little more than that. I had owned three house rabbits in my life and found them to be my favorite pet, so we decided a bunny would be the perfect option for us at that moment.

I checked my local humane societies and looked for rescues in my area but, strangely, there were no bunnies in the shelters and no bunny rescues. I can only assume it's because Utah is a strange state and the rabbit as a house pet hasn't really caught on there yet. They're still mainly an outside, ignored pet.

So I started looking around on KSL.com (sort of like CL) and came across pics of a fluffy little lionhead guy being rehomed because the girl was getting married, moving out of her parents house, and didn't think she would have time for him.
Lionheads are a relatively new breed. They aren't yet accepted officially by the ARBA. They are still bred and shown though, and I fell in love with the breed the first time I saw an albino boy at the pet shop four years ago. And while I wasn't on the hunt for any particular breed, I fell in love with the pictures of the fuzzy little guy. I emailed her and she emailed me and within the week I brought home a five month old, sable, double maned, lionhead.


Baby boy. Barely one and half pounds.

He was shy and very skittish. I set him up in my kitchen and opened the tiny cage he had been kept in most of his life and just sat and waited. Eventually he took his first hesitant look around. Poking his tiny eared, furry head out of the door and sniffing. He immediately pulled it back in upon noticing me, but it was a start.

Over that weekend I spent hours sitting and coaxing him out with treats and soft words. He had not had much human contact other than being dragged out of his little cage and handled for pictures and to have his fur dyed blue. (yes, he was a moldy green color when he came to me because the girl thought it would be *cute* to dye him blue. She did this to him twice) So he was nervous and suspicious of all humans. He did not hop, he walked like a rat or hamster. He had never had any sort of greens or hay so he wasn't sure if he should eat what I gave him. he'd run and hide if you moved too fast.

So it went, me showing him I would not hurt him or scare him and him slowly learning he could do pretty much whatever he wanted. Soon he was zooming around the living room and stealing Kris's socks. He began to follow us every where and beg for treats. When we packed up to move he was in the boxes and on our shoulders, into everything, during the twelve hour car ride here he was on my shoulder or hiding in my lap.

Now, at almost two he's the most brazen, in your face, I'm the boss bunny I've ever owned. He greets people at the door and jumps into laps to demand attention. He follows me to the kitchen to get in the fridge for treats. If the cat is asleep on the floor he will run over her and then chase her around to play with him, steal her toys and attempt to eat her food (we keep it out of his reach now) He jumps onto the table to try and steal my cheerios and he cuddles up to nap with me. <3

He's three pounds of holy terror and destruction, but I would not trade him for the world.

Thankskilling

Yes, that's a real movie. Yes, it's about a homicidal turkey puppet. Yes, you should watch it post haste.

Thanksgiving this year was glorious and delightful as only Thanksgiving hosted in my living room can be. The Utah Escapees gathered together to feed on the flesh of dead animals and watch poorly animated cartoons and senseless tv shows whilst drinking so much beer and vodka that Beth ends up being thrown into the air repeatedly while screaming.

Yes, our band of friends that had managed to escape the hell hole of happy valley consisted of a porn star, the goth kids, a drunken hippy and the successful couple that only look normal. Frank and I retreated to his apartment to retrieve hookah coals at one point, and while there we realized it was of dire importance that he put on chain mail, knee high metal boots, spiked arm guards and gather up the drinking horn and his bass guitar. Some how we had another thirty pack of beer as well.

A man pushing a stroller came across us in my giant fur coat and his metal gear with beer, guitar and skateboard covered in Necronomicon designs and pink My Little Pony wheels. He took one look at us and said, 'You guys are having much more fun than I am tonight.' To which I say, Yes, we are. If you didn't have that screeching crotch dropping I would invite you to join our rowdy band of drunken time traveling vikings. But you have that thing and no one in our Escapists group likes those so we bid you farewell.
The rest of the night was much stomping, everyone wearing the metal gear, guitar and bass playing, watching Beavis and Butthead and Tim and Erics Awesome show. The massive Scythe Frank bought Kris for Christmas last year was busted out for more viking metal effect and the rabbit and cat were cuddled and fed and played with till they both passed out from exhaustion.

So much happened but my brain is running on Four hours of sleep and a full eight hours of being a bagel monger. I'm short circuiting. My body hurts from laughing so much last night. Haven't had a wonderful time like that in a very long time.

In parting I give you Frank filling the drinking horn with beer.

Oh for the love of fuck!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&Steps onto Soapbox&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It's that time again, the time of year that I start to hear little whispers of that damned Stephanie Meyer. That's right kiddies(and middle aged frumpy housewives)! It's time to go drool of MC Double DOwns and Slumpy Mc' Dead eyes as the makes toned faces at each other and try to act out a story that has no depth, plot or originality!

I heard the first whispers of the next Twilight movie... And I am readying my bomb shelter. As I have every year, for the last few years since this shit storm began, I have pulled every GOOD vampire novel from my shelf and buried myself in it. These are all the novels that S. Meyer stole ideas from of course. She stole the whole Vampire/human/werewolf love triangle from the Anita Blake novels, the woman pregnant with a vampire is killed when the infant*** damned EATS ITS WAY FROM THE WOMB is jacked from that most delicious novel Lost Souls. Of course there are the stolen scenes from Buffy (which I never really liked) and then the bullshit about vegetarian vampires (WAT?) and SPARKLING! My brain, she hurts.

Another problem I have with the series is the whole abusive, stalker, "romance". THIS IS A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BEING STALKED AND CONTROLLED BY A MAN WHO IS OVER 100! When is that ever ok? Oh yeah, he's in a sixteen year old body and he LOVES HER BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE GOOSE LIVER or some such shit. Seriously I am worked up into a rage now.

Not only has Twilight made it ok to call mediocre shit a great work of literature! and made emotional abuse, stalking and control ok, it's made me ashamed of my vampires.

My vampires aren't anything like S. Meyers vampires. Mine are blood thirsty, beautiful, damned, creatures of the night. Although some of them do hang out in the day. My vampires don't sparkle, they kill to survive, they grow and learn and change through out their long lifetimes (something Twatlight characters don't do at all. How long have they been going through high school? seriously find a new hobby) They're all so individual, Lestat, Lousie,Carmilla, Cluadia,Tarquin, Christian, Nothing and Zillah,even Jean Cluade and Asher, who are total cliche french vampire sex machine things, are all diminished now because of the stigma of Twilight.

So I prepare myself to defend what vampire literature is about. Sex, violence, rot, and being a soul forever damned to watch time change and fade while you remain the same. Fuck you Twilight, you mock the very things I love, and I will show everyone just how shitty you are.

&&&Steps off soapbox&&&&&
*Side note: This concept of GIVING BIRTH TO A DEAD CREATURE NEVER MADE SENSE TO ME!!!! But I love Poppy Z so I ignore it, it's still a damn good story...and I love me some incestuous gay vampire sex which would not be able to happen if Nothing was never born and didn't wander his way into his fathers creepy black van ok? Ok.

Bunny Recovery

Prince Teddy Vorheese. Taken before his surgery. Handsome, isn't he?

The infection had spread to his jaw. So Monday he went into surgery. They removed the tooth, the abscess and pieces of the jaw bone that were infected, abraded the area and placed antibiotic beads. They took him back to the shelter and called me to let me know he came through the surgery all right and that they would be force feeding him that night to make sure he didn't go into Stasis (a whole other common rabbit issue resulting in death) because he wasn't likely to start eating on his own soon enough after something like that.

Not an half hour later I received a facebook message from the rescue that he had begun eating both pellets and hay on his own not a half an hour after he was put in his pen! A wonderful sign!

Since then I have been to visit him regularly and every time he's a little bit better. He's obviously happy to see me as he spreads out next to me for pets and attention. He's still eating on his own and hasn't needed pain killers for a day and a half! My wonderful boy will be home with us again soon!


The day after surgery, napping on the couch.




King Hannibal Cannibal and Prince Teddy Vorheese. My two bunny loves.

Everyone could use this attitude.

The horror show that is my life

Sorry to have been AWOL for so very long. My computer suffered truama yet again and I had no access to post. Since my last post many things have happened. Kris and I celebrated our eight year anniversary (we went to Zombie Prom and wreaked havoc on the norms).

We also brought home the newest furry addition to our family. His name is Vorheese. Vorheese was rescued from the backyard hording situation in Phoenix a few months ago, so he was very timid and confused when I brought him home. He's two years old and had never lived in a house or had the love of a family either. He adjusted well and had begun to approach us for pets and treats and stopped running away when we got close to his pen. A friendly happy little bunny who adored Hannibal and who Hannibal was beginning to adore as well. For the moment we were just fostering him to be sure Hannibal and he would bond and we could all be a happy family before adopting him. The decision to adopt him was made over the weekend and I was happy with the thought of being legally able to call him mine.

That all changed two nights ago. He finally trusted me enough to let me pick him up and place him on his back to inspect his nails and teeth. I noticed his teeth were a little overgrown and hurriedly contacted the rescue to let them know I would be taking him to the vet to get looked at to be sure they weren't going to be a serious issue. Rabbits teeth grow like a humans fingernails and have to be worn down constantly or they can grown through the roof of the mouth and cause many problems. I was also concerned because his back teeth could have been growing backwards into his eye sockets so I wanted to catch it early on.

When I got home from work yesterday I checked his teeth and saw he had worn down the top ones, a good sign. But when I moved his bottom lip to check his lower teeth I found a mouthful of pus.

I froze, that could only mean one thing and I have been through it once before with my first rabbit. A jaw abscess. I hurriedly cleaned the pus from his mouth, saw that it was draining from his lower left tooth and felt along his jaw on the side. Yup, right on the left side of his lower jaw a good sized abscess. When I gently touched it to gauge the size, more pus filled his mouth. In a panic I cleaned it again and called the rescue. Since he's still a foster they had me bring him to them last night so they could get him to their wonderful vet ASAP this morning while I worked.

This is a serious thing, it can be cured but it's a long, slow, uphill battle the whole way. I'm a wreck, I was sick yesterday and the stress of this made it worse. By the time we got back from dropping him off I had had to have Kris pull over at Fry's so I could cry like a baby and throw up. My head hurt so much I couldn't see and moving was an effort. Oh yeah, and did I mention it was Kris's birthday? Yeah, Happy birthday to my darling, the best man in the world who made me lay down and forced me to sleep after we got home and I had thrown up again.

I'm waiting for the rescue to call me and let me know where exactly the abscess is, his jaw, tooth, or cheek. None of them are good but the cheek would be the least damaging one as he would only have to have it removed and a few months of Pen G injections once a week to hopefully get rid of it. A tooth would mean removal of the tooth (or teeth) then removal of the abscess pocket, then injections of Pen G for a few months once a week and hopefully it's gone. The jaw would mean things I don't want to think about. Multiple surgeries and care and bone removal and Pen G injections and I've been through it before and lost the battle and I'm so scared.

My wonderful, beautiful boy has to suffer for no reason and I am so sorry he has to go through this. But I think we caught it in time and I will do anything I have to to insure he heals and has a comfortable and happy life. He deserves it.

Birthdaywhoodywhatty?

Every year since I turned 17 I've ignored my birthday until it's almost on top of me. I'm not a huge birthday person. I'm uncomfortable being the full center of attention, I dislike the obligation receiving gifts implies and I don't like getting praise for doing nothing.
Lucky girl that I am though, my family gets this. They still get me presents but I get to return the obligation by making dinner! This year, with thought to my dads new dentures, I will be making either chicken and dumplings or chicken gnocchie soup. Either way it's tasty and warm.

I was surprised when I realized my birthday is Tuesday, a year ago on my birthday I was jobless and recovering from some sort of respiratory illness. I bought myself a copy of Swamp Fetus by Poppy Z Brite and a new deck of Tarot cards. The Deviant Moon deck to be specific. Then Frank and Laura and Dad and Kattie and Kris and I all ate mass amounts of too chocolaty cake. Seriously, my dad bought me this wonderful chocolate mousse cake that was so heavy no one could finish an entire piece.
Time is a funny thing.
This year I'm going to purchase a plushie Skelanimals backpack shaped like a skeleton bunny. Since my skeleton torso backpack kicked the button and the zipper no longer works. My two favorite things, death and bunnies.

Zombie Prom is soon.
I love October.

Love buns

About two weeks ago Hannibal began dating.
I was prepared for the worst. The only bonding I had ever done was with a pair of bunnies that sort of fell into my lap and that was six months of fighting, scratching and very unhappy bunnies and very unhappy me.
The first day I took Hannibal in and the lovely adoption coordinator set him up in a small pen with a divider and placed various bunnies on the other side. To my surprise, Hannibal showed zero aggression. No tail raising, no growling, no thumping or boxing. Just curiosity. Sadly for him the first little girl they set in there was no so happy with his attention through the bars, She bopped him on the head with her paw to prove it too.
So after about five girl bunnies, they finally stick in a cute little male from the backyard bunny situation. Hannibal is interested and before we know it, they've removed the barrier and little Teddy is trying to cuddle up to Hannibal! Hannibal is very confused by this and shuffles away to stare at Teddy from a distance. Teddy continues to follow Hannibal around the pen and try to cuddle. We let them smell each other and wander around the pen before deciding to leave and try again the next week.
Well today the same things happened with Teddy, him trying to cuddle and Hannibal wandering away. BUT! They did share some hay and sort of sat next to each other. RIght when we were about to go home to try again next week TEDDY STARTS LICKING HANNIBAL! OH JOY! In the bunny world this is a wonderful step forward!
So Hannibal has one more meeting with Teddy at the rescue and then we get to bring him home to foster for thirty days to make sure the bonding will work in Hannibals territory, if it all works out we adopt Teddy after that!
Teddy of course will be needing a new name. Teddy and Hannibal just don't really go together so well. Once he's officially ours I will pick a name though.

Jacked from Miss Jordyn

Except he's not legally my husband but we've been together longer than most married couples soooo SUCK ON THAT INTARNET MEME! LULZ!

Significant Other Survey (OHYESIAMSNEAKY)

What is his name?
Kristopher Lloyd Olsen

How long have you been married?
Ummm Not married. We were going to get married about two years ago buuuut that didn't happen.

How long did you date?
Will be eight years on Halloween

Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?
THE BACK OF THE BUS IN JR HIGH!

When did you first kiss?
Haha I think I was 15 at the time? At my friends house, in the dark, Most awkward moment ever since our friend JAke was right next to us ha! We'd been together about six months by then.

Who kissed who first?
He kissed me. I didn't want to be kissed actually but whatevs I suppose.

Who asked who out first?
He asked me, after about a year of friendship. Went to see Austin Powers at the dollar theater! Became Official on Halloweeny!

Who proposed?
He did, because he was brainwashed into thinking that the only way to progress in life or to make a woman happy was to get married and have kids to prove your love. He has since learned better.

How old are each of you?
24 and 22

Who eats more sweets?
He does. I enjoy them but I get sick from sugar easily.

Who said I love you first?
He did. I've really never been one for romance. Poor boy.

Who can sing better?
Haha me for sure, though I still like to get him to sing with me.

Who is smarter?
Depending on what needs to be known we're both smart in our own interests

Who does the laundry?
Me, with all the other housework.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Me, the closet is closer to the left side and I am more afraid of monsters in it than I am of some unknown intruder. I can shoot an invader.

Who mows the lawn?
He does because he's a manly man.

Who drives?
He does, I hate driving because of my horrible eyesight.

Who is more stubborn?
Me, he only got to stick around so long because he learned how to handle me. I think I've won but not really haha

Who has more siblings?
We're even, unless you count step siblings cause then he wins.

Do you have any house pets?
Ryuk the python, who is Kris's baby, Nox Arcana our Kitten, SRGNT Fuzzyboots, our foster kitten, and Hannibal my fluffy demon rabbit. Soon to be adding another ball of fluffy bunny to our home.

What church do you attend?
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, may he touch you with his noodley appendage.

Did you go to the same school?
For a bit.

Are you from the same home town?
Nope, I'm from AZ and he's from Utarrrrr.

Who is more sensitive?
Him. That's what having three older sisters will do to you.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Olive Garden? We don't eat out much. Prefer to cook ourselves.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Arizony.

Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us has crazy exes actually.

Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?
I've had more boyfriends and he's had more girlfriends.

Who has the worse temper?
Me.

Who is more social?
Me

Who wakes up earlier?
On a work day me, but only because I'm at work about four hours before he is. Weekends it depends.
Do you get flowers often?
No, he brings me books and movies. Flowers are pretty but not practical. I get roses on our anniversary though.

How long did it take to get serious?
What sort of serious? Dedicated relationship? 2 years. Sexual? 3 years.
Who eats more?
Him, I"m not big on eating.

Who’s better with the computer?
He is for practical things; virus scans, physical parts etc. I am for harnessing the uses of it.

Well that entertained me for a few minutes.
I'm going to go get my spin untwisted now and then hang with my pal Trevor who is visiting from Utah.
Toodles

Ok time for something I actually give a fuck about

So, anyone that knows me knows I prefer animals to people. I can watch any movie involving torture, maiming, murder, even children being harmed and killed and I am just dandy. I'll even fall asleep watching these things. But show me an animal being hurt or abused and I will become beyond enraged and upset. I bitch people out for using the wrong kind of leash, not getting their animals vaccinated, not clipping their nails and not getting the animal spayed or neutered. Animals are one of my main passions in life.

My favorite house pet is a rabbit(if you couldn't guess) I've owned them since the age of eleven and I can't ever picture my life without one again. Hannibal is my fourth bunny and my very first rabbit I owned in my independent adult life. He is my boy, my bubba, my asshole-butthead-cannibal-you-put-that-down-jerkface! My favorite of our pets. So of course I do all I can to make him happy. He lives in the living room, is fed fresh foods at all times, spoiled on occasion with a cheerio or two and gets away with destroying more of my stuff than the cats do. I treat him (and my other pets) like the wonderful little creatures they are and I can't imagine ever hurting him (or them) or neglecting them in any way.

Hannibal is almost two and we are stable enough that I began the long process of adopting him a friend. Picking a friend is hard and so I decided to go through a rescue and have been in contact with them for months. A few months back they got a call about a woman with an out of control rabbit situation in her yard. About forty rabbits she said. The rescue goes out and they find over 100. In this womans backyard in the 110 and above arizona summer. Disgusting.

Now, if you've seen Watership Down, you'll know that rabbits are very territorial and will fight brutally with each other (which is why I'm taking my time finding Hannibal a friend) and when you have over a hundred in a small space in horrible conditions and just let them breed, shit gets out of control.



This is Henry. The fighting and heat and horrible conditions have cost him a lot. All because some one just let their two bunnies out to live in the yard when they got bored with them. Two rabbits can become Two hundred rabbits in a year.



The little one hiding in that burrow there is now called Amelia. There were tons of those burrows all over the yard they went down very deep. Rabbits and their babies had to be chased out, caught and then the holes filled in with concrete to stop other rabbits getting in.

I have many other pictures of the wounds, diseases and horrible conditions these poor little animals were in, All because some stupid fuck got "CUTE WITTLE BUNNIES" without the proper research, then got bored and released them into the wild. Because, of course a domesticated rabbit is still a wild animal! It's will survive just fine and will wander off to find and live with it's wild brethren. No, what this stupid person got was a huge animal cruelty and hording charge and over 100 rabbits sick, hurt, and scared and who knows how many dead in those tunnels.

I went and visited with all the bunnies yesterday and have found a gorgeous little boy from the back yard situation. I will be going back Sunday to turn in some paperwork and hopefully get the ok to bring Hannibal in to meet the bunnies and maybe find a friend. I'm sickened by the horrible treatment of these poor things. My pets are my kids, my loves, my reason and to abuse a creature that wants nothing from you but care makes me sick.

Take care of your animals. Be a compassionate, intelligent RESPONSIBLE human being. Donate time or money to a local shelter, speak up if you see abuse or even just call the proper authority. Don't just stand by and let it happen.

http://www.tranquilitytrail.org/Home_Page.html

OK TEMPORARY INTERWEBS!

We have managed to get a small signal to the desktop in our room! INTARNETS I HAS MISSED YOU DEARLY BB!

Ok, now to be calm and explain something wonderful that Kris and I JUST FUCKING REALIZED! I feel like a complete moron for just realizing this. Seriously, it changes so much for us.

Ok *drum roll* We discovered Kris is eligible for Dual citizenship in Germany! Meaning, after he gets the paperwork filled out and filed he can legally move to Germany and LIVE THERE! If I marry him I get it as well :D Germany is a place we've always wanted to go to and the idea of living there was always so awesome but the hassle of Visas and shit made me not so keen to try it out and to gain citizenship there means renouncing our U.S citizenship which would be a pain because my family is here and if we ever needed to come back it would put a damper on things.

BUT! Because his mother was born there and a large portion of his ancestry is German we're good to fucking go! We now have an actual plan. It will take about five years to execute but it's going to happen, hell or high water we're doing it. First, I'm enrolling in vet tech training and seeing where that takes me and Kris is going back to college for whatever he wants, I don't know what that is at the moment he's always changing it, once we have the schooling we need we're going. Of course during schooling the whole filing the paperwork and getting married will happen so that we're prepared, as well as learning German. In the future some entries may be entirely in German so woo! I'm surprised by the amount I remember from my brother speaking German to me growing up. I picked up a book and was able to understand whole sentences. Simple ones, but I still understood.

I'm really excited for this. Oh yeah should probably get our passport shit organized and located. Dunno where mine went to...

I LIVE!

My computer bit the dust. MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!
However I'm not going to update at the moment because I will say things that will offend basically every one on my list and that isn't my goal on this blog. I have other blogs for being cruel and hateful towards everyone on and this is not the one. Because I actually really like the people on this one.
Actually that made me feel better :)
WILL UPDATE FOR RIZZLE LATER!

Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage But that's just not my style

I can't stop listening to this song. It's a problem as it causes me to dance like a god damned whore every time I hear it. I'm not fucking ashamed either. The video makes me want my damn boob job already! Ugh, I just miss feeling attractive I guess. I know sexualizing yourself isn't a good thing but I know I'm more than a pretty face and a hot body. I also know that part of me is my looks and I take full advantage of that. I think I'll buy myself a new hooker outfit.
Whatever I'm going to go dance more.

BACK!

I have returned from Utah! Happy, but hurt! I have a brace on my wrist, my ankle is s swollen and sore I wish I'm sitting on the couch with it propped on pillows, I've caught a cold and I'm sleeeepy.

It was a fun trip though, the weather was so nice, almost nice enough to make me forget that the winters suck huge amounts of ass. I saw All the people I love including my beautiful Eaks, she and I were supposed to do a photoshoot together but my ankle was so swollen and red that I had to bail out. :( Next time I go we are though.

I suppose I should explain why my ankles in such bad shape. I sat in a chair for almost five hours and let Sasha inject ink into my flesh. Meaning, I have a new tattoo! I finally got my gorgeous phoenix flying above my lovely crane from two years ago. I love it so much that it's worth all the pain and all the swelling. My tattoos mean so much to me, just the fact that someone I love, people that are family to me and have been there when I had no one else, means so much. They're art and heart and emotion are painted on my body forever and I proudly show them off. The phoenix represents so much happiness. The whole trip was so wonderful I will always see it and think good feelings.

Blake and Ericas wedding was lovely. I don't normally like weddings. I find them boring and since i think marriage is sort of stupid, I normally tune out. This time was fun though, I knew both the bride and groom very well, I knew the families of both, we got to wear fun dresses and I didn't have to worry about my tattoos showing. Blake was so happy, so was Erica. I'm happy for them, I hope they stay that way. I may find the whole ideal of marriage stupid but I don't think the people getting married are stupid or anything, I just zone on the whole ceremony part.

After the wedding we all hung out in my childhood best friends backyard, we dug a fire pit,drank beers, roasted hotdogs, listened to music, hooted and hollered and laughed. Eaks brought her baby boy Noran, who I adore. If I could be guaranteed a baby like him I would reconsider my childfree stance. So much fun.

The only thing that makes me sad is now I miss my friends desperately. I want to be near Sasha and Eaks and Kelly. I want the support I had with them. I'll never have real friends in this town and that point was hammered home when I kissed Eaks and Noran goodbye. When I told Sasha and Nate I'd be back and left the house that was my home during the darkest part of my life. Walking out of Dallins backyard and calling back to the boys that they were always welcome with us. I miss my real friends. I'm considering moving back to Salt Lake. But so many people there make me dread living there again. I got out! I got away! Why can't they all move to me?!

>.< !!!!!

The most exciting news I have heard in a while?! The next Earths Children book comes out in March!!!!

If any one asks me to pick my favorite book or author, I can't do it. However, I can confidently say that The Earths Children series by Jean M. Auel is probably my favorite series of books, EVER. My mother gave me the first one when I was twelve because I had read everything in the house and was bored. At first she wasn't going to let me read it because there is a good amount of sex in them, but then relented and let me have it. The first book is called Clan of The Cave Bear. It's about a little Cro-magnon girl who's family dies in an earthquake and she is found by a tribe of Neanderthals. They raise he as their own even though they find her strange and ugly. The whole first book is her life with these people. The second one introduces new characters and new places and the story spans a content as she travels from one side of B.C. Europe to the other through five books. I love these books for the story line, the wonderful characters, the immense amount of knowledge of plants, animals and just life in general back then. I really recommend them to anyone who loves history and is interested in any kind of Anthropology or sociology, even old pre-christian religion. I own the first two books in first edition hardback but they're DESTROYED from the amount of times I've read them. I mean I lost the book jackets because the creased to much they fell apart, I have them somewhere in another book so they won't get MORE ruined. I've got the rest in paperback but I've had to replace those several times since they always end up falling apart and losing pages. One day I will buy a whole set in hardbound.

The first book was written long before I was born and the last book came out in 2002. There were twelve years between the fourth and fifth book and I was so scared that the sixth book would never be published. It's the last book in the series and I worried JMA would die before it was finished. I was so excited to stumble across an article online reporting the release date.

I grew up with these books. I'm off to pre order my copy right fucking now >.<
These books are more popular than most of the best sellers out now but no one I know has read them. Aside from my mother and aunts. I'm dying I'm so excited.

Love/hate?

In less than a week, I pack up Frank, Laura and Kattie and drive all night to Utah for a very good friends wedding. Kristophers best friends since he was about 12 is marrying a good friend of mine from high school. I'm a bridesmaid and Kris is the best man or else we wouldn't be going. Can't afford it, barely making it there and only going to make it because mom and Frank are pitching in to help me.

All this wedding talk has got me thinking. I counted up all the friends I know that are getting, or are, married currently. All that got me thinking about the whole idea of love in the first place. I'm far too analytical for this shit. To me, love is a hormonal reaction. Chemicals in the brain that make you feel good and to keep a prospective mate around to protect and provide for you while you are pregnant or are taking care of, children. It's not to say I don't feel love like everyone else. I love Kristopher, with all my heart. I just see it differently.

Thinking on my views on love and such got me thinking of why I love Kris, what makes those chemicals jump into action and make my heart pound when I hear his key in the lock every day? After almost eight years of being together and nine years of being friends, He still makes me happy and he still is the person I trust the most. Not many people outside of immediate family know this, but Kristopher and I were going to get married last year. Have a big wedding and all that bullshit. It wasn't for any reason other than the fact that he had a very good job with very good insurance and I need medical help in all parts of my body and mind. When he was let go from that job due to economic reasons shutting his shop down, no more reason to get married. We canceled it (I was hugely relieved) and continued on with our lives.
Other people were confused though, how could we cancel our wedding? Were we breaking up? Did we think it wouldn't last between us? No, you idiots. Marriage to us is a piece of paper. A legal document binding us legally. Enabling us to share benefits with each other and any children we may have (there will never be any children however). I understand that most people have a religious background that ties marriage into spirituality and love for another person. This isn't the case for us. I was never baptized but was raised Irish Catholic and Episcopalian. At the age of nine my older brother was getting into paganism. Since I idolized him, I followed. I was a practicing pagan till I was nineteen. Now I'm nothing. Kristopher was raised LDS, he was slipping away when he met me at age 15 and after sitting under a weeping willow one night and talking for hours and sharing one of our first real kisses, he became interested in what I studied and began to study himself. We practiced together but I have moved away from that belief, though I hold onto much of what I learned of meditation, elements, and other superstition and so does he. We don't feel we need to get married to please a god or to be united after death.

So what makes us stay together, people ask? We want no children, we don't plan on getting married, we have no real spiritual beliefs. So why bother staying together? Where's the proof of our love and dedication?

The proof is in the way he stays up with me when I'm convinced I hear voices around me. The way gets up and turns on all the lights and drags me to the living room to watch cartoons to calm me down. The way he lets me scream and cry and be upset with life but never tells me to stop. The way he just deals with an insanely broken girl that can't seem to hold it together long enough to sleep through the night.

I love him. I do anything for him that I can. I try to show him in the ways I know. I buy his favorite foods, I text him every day to tell him I love him. I stand beside him when he wants to step away from his family or friends and escape. Sometimes love just means standing and watching while he works on the car.

Love is different for everyone. Kris and I may not be together forever, we may end next year, next week or five years from now. Either way, being married wouldn't matter, Our feelings matter. Our relationship is built on common interests, shared personalities and the fact that's he'll pull chunks of vomit from my hair before he'll let me wipe it off his face.

To sum it up, Love is vomit.

Week of insane doom!

The last week has been so up and down! I have no internet so I'll be updating as I have the ability to. It's hard being an internet junkie and not getting my fix like I was before. THE PAIN!

So we got moved in and semi set up. We still need some furniture pieces and internet but that's pretty much it. I have all the animals in there and ready to go and that's pretty much it. It's delightful having my own place. We can sleep on the floor of the living room if we want, or watch whatever we want without worrying if dad or Laura won't like it. None of my stuff gets moved and when I clean the kitchen it stays clean! Novelty! I have ended up having to keep Lauras cat until she moves out on her own though because my father is an insensitive, selfish, douche bag, and Fuzzyboots has already torn a massive chunk out of my brand new bloody shower curtain! I knew at some point a cat would do some damage but it hasn't even been up a week! Stupid cat.

Just me and Kris. It's so wonderful. I've been working on my dreads more because I can actually spread my materials out to work on them. I was thinking of cutting off about six inches of my hair because I'm bored with it but I am just going to put synth dreads in it instead to keep me entertained. BRIGHT RED ONES! It will be a while because I don't have enough red to do my whole head and I want to wait until after the wedding next month to put them in.

Mayhem Festival was an adventure. It was 120 degrees at the pavilion by the time I got there and in the crowds even hotter. I wandered into the Hate Breed crowd with a massive snow cone and managed to not spill it! I was proud. I also got puked on by a drunken asshole during Lamb of God, during my favorite song too! Kris tried to move me but he just ended up with it on his face. He had to pick the chunks out of my hair and then Kattie washed my hair in the sink while Zombie set up.
Oh and Rob Zombie is still my hero. He is such a fantastic performer and I was so happy Kris got to see him with me this time. I've told him so often how awesome Zombie is live and was so sad he hadn't seen him yet.

Well that's all for this week! Tune in next time kids for the Ramblings of an Insane Girl.

Two more days!

Two more days and I am free of this house! Woo!

Not that I don't love Dad and Laura but I need my own place again. We've lived here eleven months! Time to go! Eleven months of half our stuff still packed up in the garage. Eleven months of not being able to let Hannibal roam free outside of our room like I prefer. Of having our room divided in half to keep demon bunny teeth from power cords and books and from peeing on our bed. Not to mention that EVERYTHING WE OWN that isn't packed has shared our room. It's a bit crowded.

I am not going to have anything but our bed and my alarm clock in our room. Seriously. Dressers are going in the massive walk in closet. Rabbit will h ave command of kitchen and living room. Ryuk the snake will live in the living room, Nox will go where ever she pleases because she's a cat and she does that. book and movie shelves in the living room, tv in living room. NO ROOMMATES! That's the best part. Right there. Just me and Kris and our furry and scaly family. Ryuk will also get a bigger tank at some point! Hannibal will get a friend and we may, possibly, in a few months get a puppy. Maybe. I told Kris (and myself) we would see how we are in a few months and decide if we have time for a puppy.

Sadly, the rescue I've been wanting to adopt from has an emergency situation with a house in Phoenix. So far over 100 rabbits have been rescued from a back yard. 80 pregnant does and many of the poor things are hurt. I want to donate so much but won't be able to for a month or so. Money wouldn't be so tight but we have to save for the trip to Utah next month :( I'm going to take Hannibals old cage and some other supplies they could use up there after we move though, and I'm also going to see if they will allow me to foster. I was thinking since I would have the room now I should at least try. Poor baby bunnies. Why can't people be responsible for their animals? Is it so hard to understand that a life is a life?

How Could You?

HOW COULD YOU?

By Jim Willis

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?” — but then you’d relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs” you said), and I t ook long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a “dog person” – - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love.” As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch — because your touch was now so infrequent — and I would’ve defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being “your dog” to “just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her.” They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers.” You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed “No, Daddy! Please don’t let them take my dog!” And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, “How could you?”

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind — that this was all a bad dream… Or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, “I’m so sorry.” She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself — a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “How could you?” was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If “How Could You?” brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly “owned” pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.

EVERY DAY IS HALLOWEEN!

When you're me!

I decided that I need my house to reflect my inner creepy. I'm creepy, I often disturb those around me, I'm jaded to the point where I am honestly surprised when people give me a strange look and back away after I mention things I've read or watched or thought up.

So I decided to start with the bathroom. I ordered this shower curtain yesterday.

And a matching bathmat with bloody footprints on it :D The bathroom will be black, white, and grey with little highlights of red. (the blood of course) I found a print of two bloody handprints on a wall I will be purchasing at one point and I plan on getting some fabric dye and making blood smeared towels. I have too much fun with this.

That's all I have planned so far. My mom told me I need help. Oh well, she raised me.

Oh boy

One man hide and seek did not happen. That's ok though because I finally found an apartment! Woohoo! After ten months of living with Dad I can finally get my own place again! It's delightful.One Bedroom, third floor, washer dryer included, balcony, pets allowed all for under 700 dollars. :)

Another reason this is such wonderful news is this is the first time Kris and I will be living completely alone! No room mates, no family, just us and our pets. Lovely.
We left all our house stuff in Utah though, which is sad but it means we have to replace dishes, cookware, flatware, baking stuff and even dish towels. The in the living room I have to get a new entertainment center, coffee table, side tables, new shelves for all our books and movies, We don't even have a vacuum anymore! Oh and all new bathroom stuff. Right down to the shower curtain rod.

Its terrible and wonderful at the same time. When we first moved in together four years ago we sort of just had whatever was cheapest at the time that would do what we wanted. We also had to factor in the chances of drunken/high room mates breaking things. Many things were broken and when we left we just gave them to friends and sold them online. I wish we still had that vacuum though, best vacuum ever. Only paid thirty bucks and it picked up hay with no effort.

Well that's the fun for this week. We don't move in for another ten days. Yes, I am counting.

Things I'm not supposed to do.

Kris puts very few rules in place as far as what I do goes. The main ones are:
No Ouija boards in the house. EVER.
Don't invite angry or demonic seeming spirits into the house.
No Hoodoo.
Well he's just no fun at all.
I don't know if I believe in everything I do. I'm not even sure I believe in ghosts and spirits even though I've seen/been involved in/created many paranormal situations. The logical part of me is screaming that there is a scientific basis for all this and that I'm being crazy. But then I remember that just last month I watched something that I couldn't see pick up the remote control and throw it at me. That left a bruise on my arm for a week that many other people saw.
All that aside, I got bored last night and tried to summon a Mirror Witch A.K.A Bloody Mary. Much to my disappointment ( I want proof damn it) nothing happened. Oh yeah, summoning a Mirror Witch goes under the "No bad spirits in the house". Oooops.
Anyway I was telling Kris I was sad it hadn't worked, then we started talking about One Man Hide and Seek. He agreed to play it with me as long as the doll doesn't have eyes and is made of cloth.
Dads going back to Mexico this weekend.
I do believe I want to play a game...

Clean sweep.

Today I got up and cleaned the house. Some one pissed me off almost immediatly after I got up so I had a lot of anger to help me with scrubbing. It also helped that every one was gone this morning, that never happens anymore. Dad took Laura to her friends place an hour away and Kris was at work. I prefer to clean when people aren't home because I have a method to my cleaning. I put on really loud music (TATU and A Perfect Circle today)I start at the kitchen and work my way all around the house. I haven't cleaned my room yet though. By the time I finished scrubbing the bathroom I had worn myself out and wasn't angry any more, so I sat down to look for a place to move.

I really need another job. Just two or three nights a week would be perfect for me, sadly this town is so small it's hard to find anything. I refuse to give up!

So Hannibal has a clean bill of health AND he didn't bite ANYONE at the vet. Not even when they trimmed his nails and took his temperature. He tried to kick a little but the vet was amazing and knew just how to hold a bunny to make sure he didn't hurt anyone or himself. I sent in more info to the rabbit rescue and hopefully we start dates soon! I want to wait till after August to bring anyone home though. We're going to Utah for four days in August for a wedding and I don't want to worry about bonding buns when I'm on the road.

My house smells like bleach. I enjoy it.

Cannibal Love?

So tomorrow Hannibal has his yearly wellness check and after that, if he comes out in tip top shape, he begins bunny speed dating! Yes my little cannibal will begin his search for bunny love. I have contacted a rescue in the area and as soon as they check my references the dates will begin!

I'm not too picky about the bunny that comes home with us. I'd prefer one that isn't long hair, just because we already have tummy issues with him ingesting so much of his own fur and we don't need MORE fur. I spend at least twenty minutes a day grooming him when he's molting (like he is now) and when he isn't he gets twenty minutes every other day. We still get tummy trouble. I've ordered a new Furminator brush that will hopefully help get all that fur out though woo! So, yeah, like I said I just want him to be happy with his new friend. There is a special needs bun at the rescue that I would looooove to bring home, he's just beautiful and sweet and so lovey, but I know I wouldn't be able to afford his vet costs at the moment and that isn't fair to him so I won't even entertain the idea.

So much to do! Even before we're approved! I need to get his vet check, get my room organized in a way that, if and when we find the right bun, we can separate them without causing too many issues while they get used to each other. Hopefully we'll be moving soon and will be able to put both buns in a space neither has been in before. That will help. Bonding is a llloooong process, I've had one pair of buns bond before and it took a long time, allot of patience, and allot of love.
But so worth it. It may take a long time, but once bunnies bond, they bond for life. Hannibal could really benefit from a friend right now. :)

After his first, and hopefully last, bout with Stasis. We gave him a hair cut to stop more hair from adding to the blockage and it helped allot! He was so happy to be feeling better!

Pescetearianism

So a friend of mine at work has begun a 'No meat with feet' lifestyle. I am grateful to her for not calling herself a vegetarian because she will still eat seafood and if you eat seafood you are not vegetarian, as I have pointed out before. She's doing it for the health benefits and it's hard for her but she feels much better so I am happy for her.
In an effort to be her friend I recommended a few things to her from when I was Veggie for a bit and it's made me think of the vegetarian idea again. I was never a veggie for the whole Save the animals thing, I don't believe that not eating meat will help the animals being mistreated at all unlless, literally, everyone does it. I did it for the health benefits but quickly realized that this, what with the amount of vitamins and supplements I had to take and the fact that I don't like allot of veggies, wasn't going to work out for me. Curse you blood disease!
It's got me thinking that maybe I should give the pescetarianism a try. I don't eat beef because it makes me sick, chicken is ok but I get bored with it, I'm not a big lunch meat fan, I LOVE pig though. Mmmm bacon, pulled pork sammiches mmmmm. Crap, pig will be the meat that gets me.
This is a dilemma. especially since Kris got a lobster and had it steamed and all that tastiness only for Elizabeth to discover, she can't eat something she's seen alive. I love lobster but I couldn't eat it. Nope.
So I've decided I will just cut it all out for a bit, stick with my fresh fruits, the few veggies I like and stock up on boca burgers again and see what happens. I'm not saying I'll be sticking with it but I will give it a shot. I like meat but I don't eat it allot so we'll see what happens.
Hannibal approves as long as he gets to taste everything I eat. He eats people though so I don't think he can join in.

He's not too sure of that cactus...

Who couldn't love that face?

she had given up her beautiful voice, and suffered unheard-of pain daily for him, while he knew nothing of it.

Today I am reading The Little Mermaid. The Hans Christian Anderson one, not the Disney one.

One of my favorite things to remind people of when they bitch about relationships not being a breeze is that love is for fairy tales, the prince is a rapist and the the princess dies at the end. The Little Mermaid is a good example of this, except really the Prince is a pretty cool guy, he just happens to not love her and that is her undoing.

She suffers so much pain and changes herself and shortens her life for him and still he marries the other hooker. Sadly, the mermaid ends up dead and turned to sea foam.
I generally find that love is really that way.

You sacrifice and suffer and , in the end, it was all for nothing. Everything comes to an end at some point, and that end is normally the beginning. We die a million times in our life, and sometimes we never really come back as who we were the first time.

Everytime a new Twilight movie comes out I die a little inside.

It drives me to reread all my wonderful vampire novels. I have busted out The Vampire Chronicles, Lost Souls, Dracula, and a few others. GOOD Vampire novels. Unlike Twatlight that is crap. I also decided to order Carmilla since I have never read it and I really want to.

In between reading these I have started reading some hilarious parodies of classics that Mim threw at me as I left her house the other day. She gifted me with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, (lol it's fantastic) The Prequel to that one, The Dawn of the Dreadfulls, and Abe Lincoln, Zombie Hunter. I recommend all these for a light and funny read.

I'm boring. I have an idea for some form of short story to write. More on that later if it pans out.

Need to stop being so angry all the time.
Stress, please DIAF.

I'm out

Strangley enough, Marylin Mansons old music always makes me so happy

Probably because I've always listened to him with my big brother when it was on the radio. When I was older and able to purchase my own music, I spent an entire summer with my best friend Jake and my love chunk Kris. That summer was spent wandering the streets till all hours of the night, sleeping under trees and in Jakes basement room during the day. It was the summer my mother allowed me to dye my hair black and I was allowed to stay out till one. A summer of stolen kisses between Kris and I, of night games with the neighborhood kids, of getting up early to go haul Jake out of bed just to lay around and fall asleep again. The summer we toilet papered six or seven houses on our own block. Always with Manson on as the soundtrack to our summer. Except for one night, one night it was "Fountain of Youth" by the Butthole Surfers. Seriously, Jakes parents were out of town and we threw open all the doors and blasted it over and over again. Haha. One day I will make Jake come see us for a week and we will wander the streets, listen to music, and drink too much coffee.
And I will be happy again for a little while.

I slept with a poster of this man above my bed for years. I still have it, I still am madly in love with Manson, but I can't stand his last cd. Like really I hate it, I blame Evan Rachel Wood. She's ruining him. I can't believe they're getting married. Seriously Manson? Now you're just a gross old man instead of an amazingly creepy sex god. Oh well, I will always love you for Antichrist Superstar, Golden Age of Grotesque and All American Family. For those you will still be worshiped as my god.

"1996"

anti choice
anti girl
I am the anti-flag unfurled
anti white and anti man
I got the anti-future plan
anti fascist
anti mod
I am the anti-music god
anti sober
anti whore
there will never be enough of anti more
I can't believe in the things
that don't believe in me
now it's your turn to see misanthropy
anti people now you've gone too far
here's your antichrist superstar
anti money
anti hate
anti things I fucked and ate
anti cop
anti fun
here is my anti-president gun
anti Satan
anti black
anti world is on my back
anti gay and anti dope
I am the faggot anti-pope


anti peace
anti life
anti husband, anti wife
anti song and anti me
I don't deserve a chance to be

The Devil dances on a blasted, blighted world - no humanity remains, just a barren, sterile wasteland that's slowly destroying itself. He dances in delight and joy at what he sees as his creation - total destruction.

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" – Epicurus

Today I am reminding myself why I am not a christian.

Lately I have found myself being a moody little goth. I'm more and more the stereo-type in the attitude department. More and more often when I face a new problem I think of how easy it would be to kill myself and be done with it, before I allow myself to set the actions in motion to fix the problems. The problems are still resolved, but the killing myself option is more common than it was three years ago.

Three years ago my world was broken down into a million pieces and still isn't put back together. I've done what I can with glue and tape but it's precarious at best. No matter how I try it just keeps falling apart. My siblings are in the same boat (they're both strong enough to not even entertain the suicide idea though) and every time I see them break down I break down. I'm trying hard to pick myself back up. I think I am succeeding. I just have to tell myself over and over that the world may be an awful place but there are some good things. I have to focus only on the good and when I can't focus on those good things I need to keep myself occupied and around people. It's working but the little black spots are chewing at me.

Damn, even talking about it makes me feel so stupid. People suffer through worse than I do and don't get this bad. I feel like a broken record.