DEAR PATRONS OF NON SPECIFIED BAGEL CAFE!

Your friendly neighborhood bagel monger would like to inform you of a few things she, and all the other friendly female bagel mongers, do not appreciate you doing during your dining experience at our cafe.

Please restrain yourself from grabbing the cups. There is a sign asking you nicely to not touch the cups. Please ask us and we will happily get you whatever cup you like.
Please, when we ASK YOU NICELY, to not grab the cups and ask us, DO NOT get an attitude with us. It's a health code rule, we aren't mad that you touched the cups (unless you do it constantly) we would just like to avoid another 1000$ fine.

When the coffee carafes are out, please do not inform us. We monitor the coffee constantly, if it's out we know it and another batch is being made.
PLEASE DON'T STAND AROUND AND WAIT FOR THE COFFEE TO BE DONE BREWING! It will be done in one to five minutes, like we said. GO SIT DOWN AND GET OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES WAY!

If it's so busy we have a line out the door, don't bring me the creamer pitcher and demand I fill it and stare at me while I do it. That's just bad manners. Bring it to me, tell me it's empty, and I will fill it when I am done with the customer I am currently with.

Don't stare at our asses when we are reaching to get you a mug from the top of the espresso machine. Really, we know you do it, please don't. It's really creepy.

If you order a bagel double toasted and then bring it to us complaining that it is burned and you didn't want it burned I will beat you with the toaster oven. Double toasted = black in our shop.

Don't order a fucking latte and then bitch when it isn't all foam. That's a cappuccino not a latte. It doesn't matter if you try and inform my ignorant self that in Europe they call it a latte and the one with less foam is a cappuccino. You're wrong. That girl right there? She lived in Belgium and the other one over there? She studied abroad for a year and travels out of the country on a regular basis and you're wrong. Cappuccino is mostly foam Latte is mostly steamed milk. Bite me.

Don't demand that we retoast your toast and when we reach for it throw it in the garbage and tell us we have to just remake it. Seriously, I will hit you with that plate.

No, we will not make you five dozen rye bagels to be ready in an hour. The dough has to rise for 24 hours and you are a douche. You can order them today and get them tomorrow. What's that? You want the sale price from today? No, the sale is for today, not tomorrow. It's every Friday and you know this. Call ahead if you want that many bagels. You may be a regular but you aren't special.

DON'T COME BEHIND THE COUNTER AND START GRABBING THINGS! When is it EVER appropriate to do this? You don't work here, you are not allowed to waltz back here to get yourself coffee/turn off the fans/borrow a rag/try and talk to the owners EVER! No just no.

Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I tell you all our sandwiches are on bagels. THIS IS A BAGEL CAFE! If you don't like bagels why are you here?

Please don't touch us. Really, we don't like to be tickled/patted/squeezed or any of the other things you do because you seem to think we are friends. Cause we're not.

Don't demand a refund AFTER you eat the food you moron.

I don't care about New York and what they do in the bagel shops there. Seriously, I don't.

Just because you are from New York/New Jersey and my bosses also are, doesn't mean you get special things. They dislike you as much as I do.

If the owner of the store is standing in the kitchen shouting "NO! GET THE FUCK OUT!"
I advice you to vacate the premises. Immediately.

Lastly, please place trash in the trash bin and plates in the plate bin located on top of the trash bin for your convenience. I promise it isn't as hard as it looks.


Stay tuned for more TALES FROM THE BAGEL MONGER!

Oh amazon, how I love thee

My main sources for books lately. Amazon.com and Goodwill. How I love you. Friday I snagged Paint it Black, finished it this morning on my break at work and came home to a package containing House of Leaves. I am a very happy camper.

Today a coworker and I were talking about books. She and I bonded over discussing books and we've both noticed we do that allot. We talked about how we spent hours at the library when we were younger, she always carries her Kindle and I always have a book in my purse. We couldn't live without them. It boggles us that people don't all do these things.

I guess I understand that not all people enjoy the same things, but reading is such a wonderful thing, it makes me sad that so many people never read so many wonderful things.

Kris loves reading but he's the kind of person who NEEDS to be doing something. If he has the choice of reading or working on a car/bike/house/plumbing etc. he'll go work. Now that he's on the bus for an hour every morning and evening he's happy to read :) and I he gets so into his books that I catch him reading at night when I'm asleep using my book light. Adorable <3

I don't know why I keep a blog. I'm really too boring for this.



I wish I had a Ryuk. he's so cute.

One Man Hide and Seek

Things you need:

+ A Stuffed Doll with limbs
+ Some Rice (enough to stuff the doll full)
+ A Needle and a Crimson Thread
+ A Sharp-Edged Tool (such as a Knife, a Glass Shard, or Scissors)
+ A Cupful of Salt (natural salt would be best)
+ A Hiding Place (preferably a room purified by incense and ofuda)
---------------------------------------------
Preparation:

1. Take all the cotton (or whatever it is stuffed with) out of the doll, and stuff it instead with rice*1.
2. Clip a bit of your nails and put them inside the doll, and sew the opening up with the crimson thread. When you finish sewing, tie up the doll with the rest of the thread *2.
3. Pour water into a bathtub.
4. Place a cup of salt water inside the hiding place.
-----------------------------------------------
How To Do It:

1.Give a name to the doll (the name could be anything but your own)
2.When it is 3 am, say to the doll "__(your name) is the first it," three times.
3.Go to the bathroom and put the doll into the water-filled bathtub.
4.Turn off all lights in the house, go back to the hiding place and switch on the TV.
5.When you have counted ten with your eyes closed, go back to the bathroom with the edged tool (a knife, etc) in your hand.
6.When you get there, say to the doll ,"I have found you, __(the doll's name)," and stab the doll with the edged tool*3.
7. Say "You are the next it, __(the doll's name)," as you put the doll back in its place.
8.As soon as you have put the doll down, run back to the hiding place and hide.
------------------------------------------
How To Finish It:

1. Pour half the cup of salt water into your mouth (don't drink it; keep it there)*4 and get out of the hiding place and start looking for the doll. The doll is not necessarily in the bathroom. Whatever happens don't spit out the salt water.
2. When you find the doll, pour the rest of the salt water which is left in the cup over it, and then spray the salt water in your mouth over it as well.
3. Say "I win," three times.

This supposed to end the ritual.
After this make sure you dry the doll, burn and discard it later.

MOST IMPORTANT
Please don't stop this ritual halfway. You must do it through to the end.
This is a dangerous ritual and I will not be responsible for what happens to you if you try.
---------------------------------------------
Other things to keep in mind:
+Don't go out of the house until you have done the finishing ritual.
+You must turn off all lights.
+Keep quiet while hiding.
+You don't need to put the salt water in your mouth all the time. You only need to do it during the finishing ritual.
+Remember, if you are living with someone you might put them in danger too.
+Don't continue this ritual for more than one or two hours.
+For safety reasons, it might be best to keep all the doors in the house unlocked (including your front door) and have some friends close by so that they can come and help you at a moment's noice, if you ever need them. Keeping a mobile close at hand would be a good idea too.

---------------------------------------------
NOTES:
*1 - the rice represents innards and also has the role of attracting spirits.
*2 - the crimson thread represents a blood vessel. It seals the spirit(s) up inside the doll.
*3 - by cutting the thread off, you break the seal and release the spirit(s) you have trapped.
*4 - if you go out of the hiding place without salt water, you might encounter "something wandering around" in your house which might harm you in some way. Apparently the way to feel the presence of the "something wandering around" is to watch "what happens to the TV."



I do believe I will be playing this...

Shtuffff

I got some pics from the impromptu shoot I did with Austin one day while i was in Utah :) There are only two head shots but I like them :) Considering the majority of that day was spent hanging out and goofing off instead of taking pics I am very happy. I enjoy the little bit of modeling I do and would like to do more, but when your photographer is also a good friend that you don't get to see often the pictures end up on the back burner <3

Sometimes I wonder why I don't...

Just get myself some earplugs

VOL-FUCKING-TAIRE

A man I have worshiped since I was fifteen.
I saw him perform last night.
I talked to him.
I took pictures.
He licked my face.
I have not been this happy in sooooo long.

I am a damn bleeding heart.

Who is about to take in two more animals that I promised myself I wouldn't but now I am in love with the poor things.

Now that I am through with that run on sentence...CLARIFICATION!
My friend has a cat, who had kittens. I am taking two of them. Yup.

Oh, and, I am not dying. I have liver damage from taking almost triple the safe amount of Excedrin recommended daily, for a week straight. No, I did not purposefully poison myself, I am used to just taking as many pain pills as I need to throughout the day. The problem was, I failed to notice these were the Extra Strength ones. So I poisoned myself, came close to developing Reyes Syndrome and now have to take awful medication after having spent almost two weeks straight throwing up.
But I am ok now!

Hannibal is sick though ;_; Fucking hell, if it isn't one thing in my life going wrong it's another. He's not in severe danger but he's hanging over the edge and one small push will send him into the "emergency vet trip" abyss.
TO ALL THOSE CONSIDERING RABBIT OWNERSHIP!!! YOU NEED TO ALWAYS TAKE SPECIAL CARE TO PREVENT TOO MUCH HAIR INGESTION!!!

I brush him every night, make sure he gets his papya, always give him fresh hay and he still develops blockage issues. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH! I know what I'm doing and there are still dangers.

Poor baby. I'm going to rearrange our room today so he has more floor room (to run in circle cause it's his favorite thing) and so he can have some change in his life. I think once he's better we shall go to the park. He loves parks.

I love my handsome fluff bun so much.

I wonder if I'll die

It's a possibility at the moment.
I seem to have developed the beginning symptoms of Reyes Syndrome.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
If it isn't Reyes Syndrome then it's liver failure.
I am really not happy with this, but since I don't get much of a choice in the matter I am just going to enjoy myself and not stress it while I find out what the fuck is going on.
enjoy myself means hang out on creepypasta and frighten myself until I can't sleep anymore.

What this could mean is frightening

It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP