OVERLOAD

I was given fifty dollars in gift cards for Barnes and Nobles from my Father and his girlfriend.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET FIRST! OEMGEE SO EXCITED.

Hope everyone had a great holiday. I know my furry family did, though I'm still waiting on the bunnies beds to get here.

Oh yes I would.

At night..

When you're sleeping....


He peeks in your windows...

Prys open the panes of glass...

Leans over your peaceful form...


and takes your skin.

Damn.

So I have a body modification called Dermal Anchor Implants, Or Microdermals as some call them. They're basically pretty jewels implanted in my flesh. They are meant to be permanent and can not be removed or changed without cutting into the flesh.

The jewelry looks like this. The "foot" Or base is inserted into an incision in the flesh and the scar tissue heals through the holes of the foot and that's what holds it in place.

I have two, One under each collar bone. I love them. However, dermals in general have a high rejection rate. When you get them done there's averagely a 50/50 chance of them surfacing so I knew going into it that they might not stay.


If you are looking into getting a Microdermal implant there are a few things that add up to them healing correctly. First and foremost, RESEARCH YOUR PIERCER! You want some one with experience. Look through portfolios, talk to the piercer about their rejection rates, ask how they do it (with a punch or a needle?). Next is the aftercare. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR A GREAT DEAL OF THE HEALING PROCESS. If you don't care for it correctly it won't matter how great your piercer was. And lastly, YOUR BODY. Some people just can't heal them. Sometimes it's the placement. Too much flesh, too little, to much movement, clothing rubbing, things catching etc.
Bottom line is, if you're going to permanently alter your body you need to do your research. Good tattoos/mods aren't cheap and cheap tattoos/mods aren't good I always say.

Now, back to my story. I knew it wasn't likely to stay but I got them anyway. I don't have much flesh on me and especially right there on my chest. So it was no big surprise when I noticed the left base was almost completely visible. This morning the bottom portion came out of my skin. Oh well, shit happens I tried.

But it irritates me that it's just hanging out there...

I'll head to a shop soon and have the one removed completely and the other one taken out the rest of the way. Currently it looks like the lower left hand picture below. Just hanging out wrong. Luckily even when they get infected and awful like that they rarely scar. Maybe I'll try again in a fleshier area. My back perhaps...

I am in love with this for some reason.

I can't decide why though.

Something Strange is Lurking...

Life has changed dramatically for me over the last few months. We got a dog, I got a second job, moved to a town house, bought a couple cars, and a few more things are coming that I will update on as they happen.

The dogs name is Poe (as in Edgar Allan, no one is surprised). She's sweet as pie and very smart. She is also only ten months, making her very very active. In an attempt to keep her happy, healthy and entertained I try to take her for a run every night. Working from Five AM to Seven or Nine PM makes the time to run always when it's dark. Some days its four in the morning and some days it's nine or ten at night. My town is small, there are only four stop lights and no street lights any where but town center. I do not live near the town center making my runs very dark when I go out to run.
My town is also criss-crossed with washes. A wash is like a giant empty river bed. The majority of the year they're empty of water, full of trees and bushes and the local wildlife live in them. They run behind my house and in front of it and cut through roads, they're there to divert flood water during monsoon season. The ground here can't absorb water so flooding happens whenever it rains.

Now that you have an idea of what my town looks like, I'll tell you about the strange things going on in it.

On my run the other night my ipod suddenly cut out. Just completely stopped as I was running alongside on of the bigger washes on a back road behind where I live. I stopped and went to see what was wrong with it. The screen was black. Dead. That's when I noticed just how silent it was, it was so strange, no sound of coyotes or javalenas, no kids getting high in the wash or even the sound of crows picking through what coyotes and pigs leave behind. Poe was straining on her leash to keep going so I shrugged it off and started running again.
Until I heard the scratching.
It was like someone dragging branches across the ground but louder and almost echoing. I slowed and stopped again, a little confused and freaked out. I hadn't heard an animal like that out here before and was worried another bear had come down from the mountain, and in the back of my mind I thought of the native reservation five miles away... They have the strangest monsters there...

I wondered if I should turn around or if I should keep going or just break for it and run a different direction all together when I saw Poe staring directly at the top of the hill. Not pulling or excited like when she sees another person coming, but fully tensed and focused, her nose barely twitching and her ears up and alert. The scratching was getting louder, I looked up at the top of the hill to see a very strange person walk out of the wash and onto the sidewalk. He ( I assume from the broad shoulders it was a he)was incredibly tall, above six and a half feet. He did have longer hair, and was incredibly thin, he looked like he'd been stretched, arms and legs long and spindly. he moved almost like he was tied together with string at the joints and swung forward and backward and side to side with every step.

He turned and stared down the hill at us and I swear to god he waved. Then turned back the way he was heading, crossed the street and wandered into the other wash.
The scratching noise faded and stopped a few moments later and my ipod turned back on to scare me shitless and deafen me with full volume Metallica.
I ran right back home.

What the fuck is that?
I would call Slender Man but I know for a fact he's not real, so time for another theory.
The scratching noise has me calling him Mr. Scratch, I find it fitting on a whole other aspect because Mr Scratch is another name for the devil.
I haven't come into contact with him again so maybe it was just some tall lanky kid from the high school coming out of the wash from shooting up; explaining why he was moving that way and the scratching noise was coming from my ipod. It is over five years old and does act up some times.
But still...

Guess What?

I'm back.

Haha just for fun

Yeah, haven't posted in a bit. will catch up one day! HAVE A LIST I STOLE!

Age: 22
Bed size: King
Chore you hate: Dishes and folding socks
Dreams: Disturb as many people as possible.
Essential start of your day: Lately, making myself a vanilla chai at work.
Favorite color: Purple, red, Eye melting hot pink.
Gold or silver: Silver
Height: 5'6
Instruments I play (or have played): Flute
Job title: Bagel Monger
Kids: FUCK to the NO
Live: In this here hell hole
Mom's name: Shelly
Nickname: "Little Creature"
Overnight hospital stays: No
Pet peeve: Ignorance in any form. Does that count?
Quote from a movie: " I want to play a game..."
Right or left handed: Right
Siblings: 3
Time you wake up: Was 5 AM but we got a puppy so it's 4:45 lately
Underwear: What?
Vegetables you dislike: lots of them. far too picky
What makes you run late: Kris or traffic. I'm normally at least ten minutes early, I'm a time Nazi as one photographer informed me.
X-rays you've had done: Most recently a full body. That was neat. Depressing because I was not aware of just how broken I was, but neat.
Yummy food you make: Chicken gnocchi soup.
Zoo animal: Camels! Laura and I rode one last time we went to the zoo.

Whoopsie Dasiy

As predicted my internet connection is far too fragile to do an entire thirty day meme. So, out the door it goes!

The weather here in Arizona is mostly to blame, though it's nothing compared to the blizzards that have been happening else where, it's been thirty degrees DURING THE DAY for a week! It's just started to level back into the sixties and seventies! That's far to cold for us desert dwellers to function. I live in a town full of fountains (seriously we're famous for the largest man made fountain in the world) and half of them were frozen solid. So I've been holding up in my apartment with my Nook, Lazarus(yes he has a name!), and only venturing out for work and grocery needs.

In the long cold internetless hours I've read a few new authors and began mapping out a plot for a story in my head that I don't absolutely hate from the get go. That hasn't happened in two years! We'll see where it goes as I've hardly begun and already hit road blocks, but I'm determined to get this one out of me. It's screaming at me when I read and whispering to me at work, I've had to start shutting my phone in a drawer at work because I keep pulling it out and using the memo pad to write chapters and dialogue and other things so often that the big boss is catching me and I'm ignoring customers, which is a no-no. Cross your fingers for me.

Richard Dawkins is going to be at a lecture at ASU this weekend on What is Life and I am going. There will be other great minds there as well but, unfortunately, I have really only read the works of Dawkins. This will be a wonderful opportunity to hear and learn about other scientists and give me more reading material. Which I love. Also, RICHARD DAWKINS OHMYGOD!!!!!!! I read his book The God Delusion in High school and picked up The Greatest Show on Earth, Evidence for Evolution, last month. I have a whole list of his other works I still need to read and have watched lectures and read papers of his online. I'm so excited.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile

SURPRISE! It's Kris! No one's surprised are they?
It was unavoidable considering how long he's been in my life. P.S. That pic is from when we saw Voltaire last January. VERY FUN night. Kris and Sarah got smashed and Voltaire is such a lovely person. So wonderful with his fans, he stayed and talked and hung out with everyone after the show.

So yes, Kris and I met on the bus when I was in seventh grade, he was in ninth. My best friend Jake and I had taken to commandeering the very back seats on the bus for ourselves, an yet, we never got the very last seat because a boy was always there. He didn't look mean but he certainly didn't look like he wanted to be bothered by our hooliganry so we let him be. Then one day Jake decides to turn around and introduce himself. The boy just sort of stared in reply, he didn't give us a name but he was friendly after a minute and we all started a tentative friendship that day.

For about two months we didn't know his name. It became a game, every day we'd try and guess and every day he'd say we were wrong. After a time we knew his name but pretended like we didn't just for fun.

A year later and we started dating. Not terribly interesting but that's how it happened.

Now it's nine years since those bus rides. Nine years, of laughter and nine years of tears. Of moving and pets, and cars and divorces.

Whoa.

31 Days of Me

So I find myself with nothing much to say, but I want to continue updating and goofing around on here. What is a girl to do? I know! Find an annoying internet MEME! So I jacked this from a friend on facebook and will start doing it here. I can't promise it will be updated every day since our internet is so back and forth, but I'll do my best.

So, Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts

1. I love to read
2. I love writing, but haven't liked a single thing I've written in the past two years.
3. I model as a hobby.
4. I think I have the most random assortment of features mashed into a body. I know I'm not ugly, but I think I'm strange looking.
5. I'm an animal person.
6. I can be incredibly mean.
7. I'm terrified and repulsed by pregnant people. No idea why, but I have an uncontrollable panic set in if someone pregnant gets too close to me and will physically jerk away if touched(with the exception of my dear friend Sasha. Not sure why she never freaked me out when pregnant and she's been with child at least three times since I've known her).
8. My best friend is gay.
9. I'm bi.
10. If you mistreat animals I will mistreat you.
11. I love creepy, scary, and dead things.
12. I've been with my boyfriend for over 8 years and we've been friends for over 9.
13. I very rarely take anyone seriously.
14. I fall into deep depressions very easily but I come out of them just as easily.
15. I have six tattoos.

I hate the new year.

Not so much that I actually hate 2011, no, I hate all the:
"OH man 2010 was great 2011 will be better!"
Or
"2010 sucked but 2011 will be better!"
posts I'm spammed with on facebook. I suppose it's my own fault for letting high school kids that befriended me at work add me. But still.

Honestly though, I don't like the whole idea of "New Years". You're telling me, that yesterday is completely different than today and I can start all these new resolutions and THIS time I will actually stick to them for the next 365 days? I'm a bitch, I'm not trying to put people down, if that's you're thing and you enjoy doing it then good for you. I never make New Years Resolutions though. I'm constantly changing and starting new things, once I make the decision to do something I do it with little prompting (though a lot of whining).

Also, 2010 wasn't any different to me than 2009, 2009 was only different because I moved here but other than that it's in line with the last most horrible years of my life, and that's saying something. In fact, it was the worst year so far as it's the first year I began to entertain killing myself and my mental health deteriorated to a point where I was not functioning properly at all. I was completely out of my head, the first time I actively yelled at my mom ever, (though over the phone, it was still horrible of me). Those are just the highlights that I remember as the most recent. I don't like to dwell on things.

As always, when I count up the bad things though, I count up the good. As shitty as the last few years have been there are good things. Nothing is ever all good and nothing is ever all bad. There will be hard times (the last few years) and there will be good times (years previous and years to come). I know I'll never actually kill myself and now I know my psychosis can and will come back if I don't take care of myself. This is a good thing because now I can integrate things into my routine to help with that.
I have been in Arizona over a year. I hate it here, but I like it more than Utah and I have my brother and sister.
Kris and I got our first apartment with just US. After living together for years but always having room mates this is heaven.
We've had Hannibal almost two years, brought Nox Arcana and Ryuk, into our home, and brought Teddy V. home and through a terrible ordeal and he is still a loving sweet little guy.
I started volunteering at the rescue which makes me feel a little less useless and a whole lot happier and full of bunnies in my life.
I shaved half my head and have my deathhawk, that is amazingly liberating for some reason.
I purchased my own car. Never actually bought, and insured my own car. That was neat.

As always, I'm rambling. I don't care, this is my place to spill word vomit and vomit I shall! So here's not to Resolutions, here's to continuing! Continue to improve, continue to get better, continue to do whatever the fuck I want, and continue to roll with the punches. If I'm hit to hard I'll stay down for a bit, but once my breath's back, I'll be come up worse than before. Like a razor blade, touch me, and I won't be the one left bleeding.
Always remember, problems can be solved, I just have to wait, and work, it out.