Lately I have found myself being a moody little goth. I'm more and more the stereo-type in the attitude department. More and more often when I face a new problem I think of how easy it would be to kill myself and be done with it, before I allow myself to set the actions in motion to fix the problems. The problems are still resolved, but the killing myself option is more common than it was three years ago.

Three years ago my world was broken down into a million pieces and still isn't put back together. I've done what I can with glue and tape but it's precarious at best. No matter how I try it just keeps falling apart. My siblings are in the same boat (they're both strong enough to not even entertain the suicide idea though) and every time I see them break down I break down. I'm trying hard to pick myself back up. I think I am succeeding. I just have to tell myself over and over that the world may be an awful place but there are some good things. I have to focus only on the good and when I can't focus on those good things I need to keep myself occupied and around people. It's working but the little black spots are chewing at me.

Damn, even talking about it makes me feel so stupid. People suffer through worse than I do and don't get this bad. I feel like a broken record.