I hate the new year.

Not so much that I actually hate 2011, no, I hate all the:
"OH man 2010 was great 2011 will be better!"
Or
"2010 sucked but 2011 will be better!"
posts I'm spammed with on facebook. I suppose it's my own fault for letting high school kids that befriended me at work add me. But still.

Honestly though, I don't like the whole idea of "New Years". You're telling me, that yesterday is completely different than today and I can start all these new resolutions and THIS time I will actually stick to them for the next 365 days? I'm a bitch, I'm not trying to put people down, if that's you're thing and you enjoy doing it then good for you. I never make New Years Resolutions though. I'm constantly changing and starting new things, once I make the decision to do something I do it with little prompting (though a lot of whining).

Also, 2010 wasn't any different to me than 2009, 2009 was only different because I moved here but other than that it's in line with the last most horrible years of my life, and that's saying something. In fact, it was the worst year so far as it's the first year I began to entertain killing myself and my mental health deteriorated to a point where I was not functioning properly at all. I was completely out of my head, the first time I actively yelled at my mom ever, (though over the phone, it was still horrible of me). Those are just the highlights that I remember as the most recent. I don't like to dwell on things.

As always, when I count up the bad things though, I count up the good. As shitty as the last few years have been there are good things. Nothing is ever all good and nothing is ever all bad. There will be hard times (the last few years) and there will be good times (years previous and years to come). I know I'll never actually kill myself and now I know my psychosis can and will come back if I don't take care of myself. This is a good thing because now I can integrate things into my routine to help with that.
I have been in Arizona over a year. I hate it here, but I like it more than Utah and I have my brother and sister.
Kris and I got our first apartment with just US. After living together for years but always having room mates this is heaven.
We've had Hannibal almost two years, brought Nox Arcana and Ryuk, into our home, and brought Teddy V. home and through a terrible ordeal and he is still a loving sweet little guy.
I started volunteering at the rescue which makes me feel a little less useless and a whole lot happier and full of bunnies in my life.
I shaved half my head and have my deathhawk, that is amazingly liberating for some reason.
I purchased my own car. Never actually bought, and insured my own car. That was neat.

As always, I'm rambling. I don't care, this is my place to spill word vomit and vomit I shall! So here's not to Resolutions, here's to continuing! Continue to improve, continue to get better, continue to do whatever the fuck I want, and continue to roll with the punches. If I'm hit to hard I'll stay down for a bit, but once my breath's back, I'll be come up worse than before. Like a razor blade, touch me, and I won't be the one left bleeding.
Always remember, problems can be solved, I just have to wait, and work, it out.